Mendoza, Argentina

It's been almost four years since I strapped on the backpack and took off across Latin American countries. It's taking me a little bit to get my bearings and remember how to do this. And after nine months of the soft life in Buenos Aires the overnight buses, zero sleep and shady hotels are all taking there toll -- and this is only my first stop. To make matters worse I'm even more out of shape than I was when I was 27 so my  bag fucks with my back and my lack of stamina limits me to short distance treks when I've got that fucker strapped on.

But I'm lucky that my first stop is this sleepy university town smack in the middle of Argentine wine country. With it's wide boulevards, leafy overhangs, lush green parks, giant fountains and cafe culture it is about as pleasant a place to spend a few days as one could hope for. It's such an insanely well-designed place that the city planner deserves to be fellated every hour of every day -- even if he is dead.

And I thought I had seen college girls before -- until I came to Argentina. It's a subject not even worth broaching because what can you really say? It's like the playmates and supermodels came together to start a college and the only rule was that you couldn't bleach your hair.

The thing that sucks about the situation is that I have to spend about five hours of my day working, but I guess there are worse offices in the world than a patio table with a pint of Quilmes at the ready and a never-ending stream of Argentine girls passing you by. And I've still got the weekend. After my work is finished tomorrow I'll assault this city like only a pasty out-of-shape alcoholic with a giant forehead can. And then there's the Pac-Monster fight on Saturday. I'll be somewhere for that, losing my mind and giving my country a bad name. Then it's off to Chile on Sunday...

For a little dose of reality and tragedy.